Apologies for the Didsbury Dad hiatus. It’s been a full-on month. My original plan was keep quiet and grow a beard until another independent fairy cake or organic toy shop opened in Didsbury. The karma of the village has been upset by Tesco Express and Domino’s opening within a week of each other; but Movember took its toll on me. So I thought I would wait until I had a meeting big enough to sit back and tap away. Thank you to organisational development meeting for a year-long event strategy spoken in a dialogue and language with which I am not au fait. Time for Didsbury Dad.
Tesco Express is lovely. They can’t be that busy because it is the only supermarket I have ever been in where every member of staff welcomes you and nudges you down the aisles with a “please but something, I need this job” look. It’s like taking a dog to the front door on a windy day.
It’s been a fraught month and I have learned a lot BUT my dream of a shed with 5 Live piped in and a lock on the door is still a dream, I still have no idea who anybody is on Star Wars episodes 1-3 and my list of things to give up for lent was so long I decided to give up lists and appropriating other religions’ ideas.
So here is my list of February things I have learned as I sailed past 39 1/2.
1. Success on Valentine’s day depends not on the poem, card, thought, flowers or inappropriate intentions gracefully cloaked. It depends on Didsbury Son and he didn’t let me down. After a little cajoling but no bribery at all he produced a handwritten, self-designed, heart-cut-out-of-the-middle card that melted Didsbury Wife’s heart more than a spring clean and trolley dash around John Lewis could ever do. Thank You Didsbury Son.
2. There is no need for a creme egg to buy privacy if you have an iPod and headphones.
3. The first morning you wake up Didsbury Son for school and do not have to lie that the sun is rising is already is a great day. Yesterday we almost heard birdsong over the top of the Metrolink construction.
4. It’s a myth that cats are not greedy. Didsbury Fat Cat’s winter coat is threatening to make widening the cat flap a spring must. He squeezes through with a Pilsbury Pop and sits like Diego Maradona on a chat show.
5. Red Roses on February 15th may be only 50p each on Tesco Express but are still not a good idea.
6. I was talking to a group of 20/21 year old young filmmakers about ideas. When I was informed that they would need an actor in their early 40s, you know, middle-aged. I was the only one who gasped, then winced. My disappointment was more revealing than a dad dance and sneaking away to play The Smiths made it worse.
7. Having Nero, Costa, Rouge, Subway and several independents within 100 years does not equal cheap coffee. My dream of a price war and getting out of Nero with change from a tenner is slipping away. Although my idea for a Westside Story style dance off up Wilmslow Road between the prams in Nero and Costa’s Buggy posse still has legs and could work for the Didsbury Festival.
8. Boyle’s First Law of parenting points out that when there is live football on terrestrial television it will inevitably coincide with child sickness, parents’ evening or the cat bringing in something rodent and wriggly to share with the family.