Euro fever is in the air as Didsbury Son and I cherish this magnificent summer of sport. Finally, after much work and tinkering with tactics I have managed to get the couch and its cushion configuration to co-ordinate with the TV and its remote controller in the kind of symbiotic congruence that the England midfield failed to meet.
I can now slouch in a spine-melting, double-chin enhancing, muscle untoning place for several hours and reach drink, snack and remote without moving. This tactical and creative acumen has allowed me to bond with Didsbury Son, whose take on TV sport races between boredom and indifference. Last night we recreated the greatest moments of The Euros by staring at each other for 2 hours before I went to kiss him goodnight on his forehead. I missed and hit an ear. Didsbury Son then superbly kissed me goodnight right between the eyebrows and won 1-0 on penalties.
For Wimbledon, we queue up for the bathroom for several hours squeezing out painful 60s singalonga tunes before calling “To me, To you” until one of us pauses or falls asleep. The Chuckle Brothers Wimbledon shield is now nearly as hotly contested as the post shower bathroom slide.
One of my favourite sporting contests is the breakfast pundits challenge. We take turns quoting the wisdom of Shearer and “Lawro” Lawrenson to inspire us; the morning silence is golden.
We have recreated the Rugby Union tours of the Southern Hemisphere by getting up early, putting pillows under our shorts and gurning, whilst pushing tissue up a nostril. We then go to see Australian friends who chase us for an hour before making us look stupid.
BUT- the big one is coming.It is almost time for Indoor Olympics . The games have finally come to Didsbury for the first time since 1948 when there were no charity shops or coffee stops in the village. New era, new challenge.
This sporting feast – adapted from the great Classroom Olympics of the 70s and 80s and not walking on the cracks in the pavement, is the ultimate sporting challenge. It’s goal of moving through the house without touching the floor pits son against dad and dad against gravity and lack of flexibility. Didsbury Son qualified early and passed the E numbers test by waiting to go to Zayn News for sweets. With Didsbury Fat Cat confirmed as flag bearer and Didsbury Wife shaking her head sadly it’s all to play for as we go for gold (a Caramac).