Didsburydad's Blog

From the not so mean streets of M20, blog about being a dad, Didsbury and dealing with parental confusion

Archive for the month “January, 2014”

Things you only say once

Having the twins provides the potential to not make the same mistakes twice. I say potential carefully. I know it’s not a done deal or I would have only paid one visit to the ear specialist, KFC and Sega Football Manager.

I am old enough to know the hand movements to The Communards, “You Are My World” but can I learn from the moments that Didsbury Son is saving up to tell his therapist as an adult? My dad wrote a fictionalised blog. BUT IT WAS REAL TO ME”.

In the spirit of learning. In the spirit that parenting (cue platitude) doesn’t have a manual but does have 600 books written by “celebrities” in need of work whilst on maternity leave. In the spirit that if knowledge is power I did not have the vote to begin with… Things You Only Say Once.

1. It’s a 12/15 but he should be okay.
Didsbury Son’s vivid imagination and ability to empathise are wonderful attributes. I have never seen Cowboys v Aliens but for a junior school Didsbury Son it meant weeks of sleeping with the light on.

2. All kids love playing football. No and I need to remember taking a reluctant Didsbury Son to Fog Lane Park on a snowy Saturday for Didsbury Juniors. He shrank into as many patient coaches’ coats as was feasible and looked sad eyed enough to have had his own postcard. This mistake will not happen again; it needed far more brainwashing before he started.

3. You go away – I’ll be fine. I won’t.

4. Let’s go to Centre Parcs. Let’s not. It is cruelty without beauty, faux holidays not aimed at people who like to mooch and relax. I am from Didsbury. We put the Id in Middle Class. Didsbury Son thinks Subway is “street” and my idea of of slumming it is going somewhere that doesn’t offer the option of a Skinny Latte.

5. Punch him and walk away slowly saying “These colours don’t run”. My self image as laid back dad died a quick death in Year 2 when Didsbury Son was briefly picked on. In reality it was a spat and they were back playing a day later. Didsbury Wife added context, love and understanding. My sense of outrage had me searching for clips of Scum to show Ray Winstone in action and scouring the loft for my Junior Pot Black balls and cue.

What have I learned. Breathe deeply, don’t overreact and even though they will never be mini versions of you, dress them like it whilst they are still too small to complain.

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The play date for twins was very successful.

* Scum (1979) is not a parenting video

Good Morning Medicine Cabinet

6am. Didsbury Son is not too happy. The cries, whoops and general 5am rooster impressions by my pearl-headed Princess have woken him up. I have been playing powerlifting a wriggling 30lbs for most of the last three hours with my 70s footballer boy; it’s business as usual.

We swap. I have managed to coax Didsbury Son back to sleep with promise of an episode of Brooklyn 99 before he becomes the lacrosse version of Billy Elliot and Didsbury Wife has tagged me. I’d got the mighty headed. 70s bouffed baby boy back to sleep through the three horsemen of the night; milk, change and Calpol. My back up is a PowerPoint of lambs jumping fences. So two rooms down and I am now in the nursery. I haven’t been here since a teething incident just after midnight.
My pearl-headed Princess is dancing along to the Ninky Nonk and the scent coming from her sleepy head soothes joints and muscles that at 39 years, 11 months and a few more years, need an ice pack after a game of infant footy.

This scenario and versions of it are being repeated across the globe, even in Chorlton. Pearly Princess is now hitting the iPad ( we officially made it her god parent as they spend so much time together), Didsbury Son has given up on his own bed and there are three of us squeezed on a single bed as the Ninky Nonk continues it’s imperious journey and I try and decide which came first, the baby or the Voltarol patch?

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Iggle Piggle Saves A Big Night Out

At a sophisticated soirée we went to last week we covered all the current serious topics. Mandela’s legacy, Syria and Breaking Bad.

As the Co -Op Prosecco flowed, we nodded sagely and spouted Guardian editorials. It could only have been duller had I been forced to feign interest in The Ashes or we had got onto smacking, acceptable or not.

The first time I was dragged into this room splitter I misheard the start and thought we were discussing snacking. It made for an awkward evening.

As Didsbury Wife and I counted the minutes until we could go home, this promised to be more disappointing than the first half of Homeland series 3 until…

Conversation turned towards the power of In the Night Garden. I have long admired Derek Jacobi’s work – apart from the thing with Gandalf but ITNG is sublime. The drama of the reveal, Ninky or Pinky? The utter joy of the Tombliboos, the slight unease about Macca Pacca. Why the trike and is that thing on his back a Haemorrhoid?

This discussion led to a sing song and joy all around. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder but one day those Pontipine kids may suffer for sharing a room with their seven siblings and their parents.

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Princess Zelda or a crate of Prosecco? The ultimate parental dilemma. Empty seats, always visually interesting

The Essential Top Ten Tips For Bloggers

As the one of the best bloggers in our house (not counting Didsbury Son) I thought it was time to join the other untrained, uncalled for, unrepresentative people who call themselves experts.

Here are Didsbury Dad’s top ten tips.

1. Remember not to check anything before it goes out. Typos and predictive text can be the difference between dull and unintentionally funny.

2. There are 3964 parenting blogs in Britain. All are as necessary as a second piece of cake.

3. Be current. Happy Thanksgiving to all my American readers.

4. Swearing can alienate a lot of family readers, so use it carefully.

5. Writing successfully needs inspiration. Didsbury has several places that are awe inspiring and all serve cake – AiryFairyCupCake Boutique, The Alpine Tea Rooms and Cafe Nero.

6. If you are writing a parenting blog you can only mention lack of sleep and sick on your shoulder every 100 words.

7. A picture can tell 1000 words but 500 is more than enough for a blog which can be awkward.

8. Work out if you actually have 10 tips before you start.

9. Otherwise

10. You’ll have to waffle.

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This picture of a fog warming sign on the M62 has nothing to do with the blog; that’s No. 11 for free.

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A rainbow at MediaCityUK

Top 10 New Year’s Resolution

V sharp and entertaining

David Merzel's BLOG

Top 10 New Year's Resolution

Today is the crucial moment to make new resolutions for 2014.
This infographic shows the top 10 New Year’s Resolutions and how many people keep them.
What are your resolutions ?

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