Having the twins provides the potential to not make the same mistakes twice. I say potential carefully. I know it’s not a done deal or I would have only paid one visit to the ear specialist, KFC and Sega Football Manager.
I am old enough to know the hand movements to The Communards, “You Are My World” but can I learn from the moments that Didsbury Son is saving up to tell his therapist as an adult? My dad wrote a fictionalised blog. BUT IT WAS REAL TO ME”.
In the spirit of learning. In the spirit that parenting (cue platitude) doesn’t have a manual but does have 600 books written by “celebrities” in need of work whilst on maternity leave. In the spirit that if knowledge is power I did not have the vote to begin with… Things You Only Say Once.
1. It’s a 12/15 but he should be okay.
Didsbury Son’s vivid imagination and ability to empathise are wonderful attributes. I have never seen Cowboys v Aliens but for a junior school Didsbury Son it meant weeks of sleeping with the light on.
2. All kids love playing football. No and I need to remember taking a reluctant Didsbury Son to Fog Lane Park on a snowy Saturday for Didsbury Juniors. He shrank into as many patient coaches’ coats as was feasible and looked sad eyed enough to have had his own postcard. This mistake will not happen again; it needed far more brainwashing before he started.
3. You go away – I’ll be fine. I won’t.
4. Let’s go to Centre Parcs. Let’s not. It is cruelty without beauty, faux holidays not aimed at people who like to mooch and relax. I am from Didsbury. We put the Id in Middle Class. Didsbury Son thinks Subway is “street” and my idea of of slumming it is going somewhere that doesn’t offer the option of a Skinny Latte.
5. Punch him and walk away slowly saying “These colours don’t run”. My self image as laid back dad died a quick death in Year 2 when Didsbury Son was briefly picked on. In reality it was a spat and they were back playing a day later. Didsbury Wife added context, love and understanding. My sense of outrage had me searching for clips of Scum to show Ray Winstone in action and scouring the loft for my Junior Pot Black balls and cue.
What have I learned. Breathe deeply, don’t overreact and even though they will never be mini versions of you, dress them like it whilst they are still too small to complain.
* Scum (1979) is not a parenting video