Didsburydad's Blog

From the not so mean streets of M20, blog about being a dad, Didsbury and dealing with parental confusion

Archive for the month “May, 2014”

Detox not Deep Pan

We are near the end of a short-term detox; thinking we would take advantage of Didsbury Son’s journey to the centre of scouting and a quiet couple of days workwise; genius planning. I keep reminding myself I am beautiful on the inside because the outside has struggled. I assumed that Didsbury Wife and I would be skipping around like our toddlers, high on life rather than propped up on caffeine and sugar. NO.
The reality is that we have been like mardy teenagers on week 5 of the summer holidays.
I feel steamrollered. The caffeine withdrawal headache tells more stories than a credit card bill post Amsterdam.
The brief moments of not feeling flattened have usually been ruined by a vertebrae, tested beyond endurance by the Mighty Headed Boy, clicking and sending little shock waves around the body.
But the yin and yang, the good and the bad are this. My skin and hair shine like a Labrador at Crufts and I know I will feel the benefit from these tortuous days which has felt joyless and grey and had us eyeing up the boddlers’ tea like wolves in a sheep pen.
The bad (depending on your view) is that I am no longer 39 and a bit and probably need to do this more regularly. Mmm more raw beetroot – let’s party

* I have had a petition through the door signed by Didsbury’s Baristas telling me that their takings are down and they all need me back to pay their way through college

20140529-101134-36694065.jpg

20140529-101146-36706098.jpg

Shhhh. Silent Sunday Photo Blog

13 days

20140525-215655-79015380.jpg

Urban Legend, Political Campaigns and an Apology

Didsbury Son is on a scout camp in the middle of nowhere. There will be lots of gung-Ho camping, climbing and sharing small spaces with other people. Thank The Lord for CRB checks and the lovely Scout Leaders who pass them and give their free time to teach him skills for living and learning. The Remembrance Day parade is always moving and their scouting means I don’t have to expose myself to any camping experiences or weekend slumming it in the name of bonding. If I can wriggle out of going fishing, the summer is looking good.

Urban Legend 1: Didsbury is full of focaccia-eating, self-obsessed yummy mummies and daddies. That’s Alderley Edge, we’re only half full.

There are some serious issues that need addressing:
The Stokers Arms’ free lunch offer booked up before I could get my date confirmed. It’s gone from being O’Neills which you wouldn’t want to go near to The Stokers which you can’t get near.

Urban Legend 2: Gourmet Burger Kitchen once had a queue of almost 6 people that stretched to the door before the financial crash of 2008.

2. I owe a big apology to the owners of The MudFlap Cafe in the centre of Didsbury. Their quick Felicini’s demolition and ludicrous early publicity put me off. On the recommendation of several people we braved it… And were a bit bowled over. Didsbury Wife is a water sign, I am Vegan Intolerant and The Mighty Headed Boy gets upset by food beginning with W. No bother. The food was good, the coffee spot on the staff treated us with a welcome throughout that normally evaporates when the first missile leaves a high chair bound toddler or the fiifteenth chorus of Incy Wincy Spider shakes the window. Thank you, we are coming back.

Urban Legend 3: in 2008 a man looked the wrong way on Wilmslow Road and didn’t see a 42 bus for over 8 minutes.

Finally, before festival fever takes over ( It’s only 2 weeks to Didsbury Festival – I love Didsbury Festival, I’ve directed dozens of festivals in many different genres and cities but nothing beats Didsbury Festival on a warm day in June). I want to start a campaign for Pram Lanes in Didsbury. I walked to Withington today (always good to go to the edges of M20 to see what gives and hang out with my brothers from a different mother and school). On the way our double buggy met 3 other double buggies, 16 single buggies, two wheelchairs and a tourist from Chorlton. This entailed much wiggling and stopping to share the pavement whilst the cars hogged the road selfishly.
With prams being such an essential accessory it must make sense for the inside lane to be pram only between 8 and 6 on weekends. All right thinking people must join the fight. Let’s be honest, people were stupid enough to vote UKIP so this might have a chance.

This week we are listening to 6Music, watching Episodes and The Little Princess and getting excited about Wine & Wallop on Lapwing Lane.

Sunday photo

Apparently it’s a Silent Sunday so you are meant to blog a photo

20140518-213736.jpg

These are some stickers from the 70s parodying adverts of the time. They are very funny

Man vs Mucous vs Chalk Bar & Grill

20140514-193026.jpg
Queues wearing Sky Blue scarves swarmed in Didsbury to see a babysitter happy to get twins down.

Man vs Mucous
“The best things in life are free.” Love, comps and invites to launches are the three cornerstones of life. Really good fried chicken is the fourth should it be needed. With this In mind you can only shine a weak light on the dark thoughts in my head as I drove past the opening of Chalk Bar Grill with the prescription for my pearly princess gripped in my hand.

Not once did I feel cheated to see Didsbury’s finest sipping chilled drinks and chattering at the opening night party. My only thought was with the little angel lying listless in her mother’s arms waiting for a little Calpol Extra to put her back upright.

My invite, with Didsbury Wife as my plus 1 lies untouched; as does the Mojito I have been visualising all day. But none of this crossed my mind as I prayed that the nursery day ending virus would heal quickly; before we have to decide who can sidle out of work to look after her easiest tomorrow.

Parents of boddlers will know that social engagements lessen as people realise what poor company you have become. Babysitters happy to have twin boddlers are rarer than invites to openings in Didsbury so when they align… Luckily none of this mattered in the slightest as I texted the babysitter to stand down whilst queuing at the pharmacy.

I’ll have to buy my own Mojito

20140514-193425.jpg

20140514-193502.jpg
Opening night invite ship has sailed

10 Ways Becoming a dad changes everything

There are more than 10, most are quite dull but some surprise me. When I first became a Didsbury Dad (well once I’d had coffee, flavoured vodka and some kind of olive oil based poncey bread) a few things clicked into place.

In her just published novel “Animals” (which is superb), Emma Jane Unsworth has a character whose response to a close friend’s pregnancy is “… Another one lost for a decade”. I read this, gulped and nodded in recognition. I have friends who, in my mind are at the end of a phone knowing I’m swamped, happy and knackered. In reality they have scrubbed me off all lists as the ignorant one who dumped them once he had kids. This mirrors my pre-Didsbury Dad thoughts. How busy, tired, obsessed, sappy and dull can you be for a small screaming ankle biter who removes the opportunity for the epicurean nature on which you have thrived? The answer is personal.

1. A big night out: after bath time, I popped out for an early drink at the Fletcher Moss and delayed bedtime until after 7.30 PM.

2. A really big night out: you get a babysitter (double rate for twins) and after the second drink you realise you are exhausted, have little adult conversation and are really wondering if the babysitter would watch the boddlers if you came home and grabbed a couple of hours un-disturbed sleep.

3. An allnighter: the milk, dummy, singing, rocking and Calpol have all failed and you are watching repeats of Columbo whilst reading Incy Wincy Spider on a five minute rotation to a wired boddlers crying and laughing like a prom-night teenager.

4. You go to Boots for creams and lotions, none of them are for pleasure – all of them are medically based.

5. That tune that won’t leave your head. It’s not the one that brought the night to a crescendo – it’s 64 Zoo Lane and you cannot stop humming.

6. You still look lovingly at your partner and think “I hope they are in the mood for an early night” but you mean will you let me go to bed and go in the spare room so I’m not disturbed.

7. You fill up watching One Born Every Minute

8. You suddenly realise how see-through kids are and how much more patient your own Didsbury Dad was.

9. Staying in is the new going out.

10. You start to have opinions about things you have never cared about. Last week there was a seismic shift. The actual topic is irrelevant, it was what it meant. We were watching Master Chef (Big Bang Theory for adults) and Didsbury Wife asked me what I was thinking. All men know that this is normally a cause for concern as you are either thinking about nothing, football, nothing, somebody inappropriate, nothing, whether Eddie Murphy was convincing in “Coming to America” or nothing.
Without pause I was able to share my ideas around a child development issue. Halfway through my speech the enormity of this hit me and I asked for an early night.

Post Navigation

%d bloggers like this: