Didsburydad's Blog

From the not so mean streets of M20, blog about being a dad, Didsbury and dealing with parental confusion

Archive for the category “Being Barry White”

Berocca, pecking orders and life in the slow lane

It’s been a media, Manchester and family logistics whirlwind recently. The beauty of a smartphone calendar is that you can be panicked into action with just long enough to get somewhere (if the traffic agrees with Apple) . The bad thing is looking at your diary for the day and seeing 28 arrangements,10 of which concern the time-sensitive movement of toddlers. There is absolutely no reason for this picture
In notes is all the vital information – remember changing bag. We are still subject to guesswork as to whether it will be a rainforest or Sahara day. Scope emergency Kinder Egg buying opportunities in the area, don’t forget Berocca. 
Berocca – like you but on a day somewhere circa 1995 when you could sit on your haunches and then get up without help. 

Nor this one 

Yesterday’s notes included finding the right bottle of Mountain Dew for Didsbury Son’s weekend camp out, making sure I had the right lights for filming in a Morgue and remembering that you can’t get the tram at St Peters Square (I didn’t, I was then late for everything). 
In the morning Didsbury Wife had been waxing lyrical about our ability to cope without the Volkswagen YouWouldNeverDriveThisIfYouDidntHaveKids since its inner city diet saw it wheel less and written off. After a day of tram, train, bus and taxi I dreamed of the ease of being a two-car family and gasped at the price of cabs. I don’t know if Uber have skewed the market but last time I paid that much to spend half an hour with a stranger so certain of their own thoughts they had Dr. before and capital letters after their name.
Oh it is the fate of the dad to know the price of everything and, that should be a full stop.
In a media life this week I got to play with cameras and body bags, sit in an edit suite and make decisions. At home I reverted to my position in the pecking order just below the cats. My main choice here being Paw Patrol or Blaze, Petit Filous or Yoghurt.

Postcard from Outer Didsbury – 2

I’m back on a flight. It’s 11 o’clock at night which makes it June back in Manchester and this flight goes on longer than my attention span tenfold. IMG_3038A step up from Delivering Yellow Pages and more satisfying

I ran out of Fox’s Glacier Fruits days ago. 

We are 1 1/2 from home and after changes, short flights and customs probably about 6 hours from a reunion. At this moment the thought has me welling up as though it were the final moments of the Champions League Final; it’s a blessing and a curse. I had to pause at customs to prevent the reunion looking like the backstage shots on America’s Gpt Talent

I would never make a politician, poker player or spy. My inner thoughts paint themselves across the eyes, mouth and non-verbal communication that I share with the world.

During a particularly fraught media meeting with a powerful (mmm I do like alliteration, puerile, petty, punctilious) mogul in charge of large budgets I kept getting nudges from a soon to be former executive. It wasn’t Bridge and this was not the cue we’d agreed. The mogul, whose charm range was Katie Hopkins to Angry Toddler suddenly had a fit of clarity.

“You look like you’re want to punch me.” He said “That’s very astute” was not the right reply and we left, presentation unopened. 

I have learned. Being a dad has taught me to feign interest in a range of activities and sports and to rein in emotions and occasionally hide tiredness. Being a Didsbury Dad I have learned to show interest in all manner of shared cultural experiences and in a range of Japanese animations that make Rhubarb & Custard look slick.

Right now, after 7d ays away on the other side of the world with only Face Time for brief snatches I would watch anything to spend 10 minutes with Didsbury Son and for a sniff of the toddlers. Absence has made my heart fonder in a way I could not imagine. I never planned or expected this. But long after everyone else realised, it seems that not only have Didsbury Son, The Mighty Headed Boy and the Pearly Princess changed my life, they have changed me. 

banner 2I saw this and felt almost 5’9″

The welcome I got at the airport made me realise that after “Daddy” shouted at full blast across Terminal 3 arrivals, the best phrase I had heard all week was,

“Ladies and Gentlemen – we have now arrived in Manchester”. – Bliss.

Snoring, sneezing and big big love

Didsbury Dad Mansions is Snot Central right now. The house resounds to the sound of coughing and of
noses being blown. Tissues are secreted around the house like little cat toys. My pearly-topped princess sniffs as though this terrible scourge will never end. Competitive sleep deprivation has a new friend and has taken a back seat. Yesterday, my catarrhal morning croak and sub Barry White vocal register won a lie-in til 8. Today Didsbury Wife returned early and forlorn from her morning run. A night on the Sinutab and an early morning Heffalump movie meant I had no answer, dressing duties were mine.This general spluttering which began in nursery, came home, went to work, to school, to home, to nursery, to family, to school and back is one of the Manchester-living selling points not often promoted. “Come to Manchester, once Cottonopolis – go home with an Upper Respiratory infection.”

When I got to the platform there was no one to moan with.

lurgy – visual representation 

It also ties in nicely with one of our greatest national celebrations, National Snoring Week (25-29 April – strapline “It’s just the way I’m lying”).

After the confusion of an early Easter and a late Passover, the liberal angst of St. George’s Day is closely followed by the pointlessness of National Snoring Week. Turns out this is not about promoting snoring as a postmodern family pursuit. There are no articles that begin, ” Embrace the sound of your loved ones having a good sleep after their nightcap. Good times, leave your cares behind, just come along and drift into restfulness and prove you could fall sleep in a Steelworks.”The British Snoring & Sleep Apnoea Association (not to be confused with the Association of British Snorers & Sleep Apnoea Appreciators) are having a field day. There is free postage all week (www.britishsnoring.co.uk) and a range of products that seem to have escaped from either a GCSE Chemistry lab or are a zip short of Ann Summers Gimpware. 

saving Private Kitty

I have a friend. Erm, Withington Dad, who apparently snores (obviously it doesn’t disturb him). We thought a more useful set of products could include Rib protectors for that jab telling you to get off your back, earplugs so you aren’t disturbed by being told to shut up or a long straw so if one wakes up with a dry mouth from a couple of hours catching flies and singing guttural chants you don’t have to try and find the water next to your bed. It’s a common conversation between couples everywhere. But as a great philosopher once said, “Show me a man who does not snore and I will show you a man doing no childcare…
Junior Doctors solidarity poster   

(or drinking coffee, alcohol, being overweight, eating too late, staying up watching TV, sleeping badly, finding out there are consequences to years of partying or generally being a man.)

Chic – Good Times: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8g6bUe5MDRo

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